Saturday, 27 June 2009

A new sister in Islam

Oh my gosh! I feel kinda... Moved...

I was recently introduced to a new sister and have to say how sweet she is mash'allah! Bless her, I really like her. A lot and am glad I was introduced to her!

I don't know. I have this sense of... *thinks* ...Umm... *thinks more*... I don't know what - admiration maybe? - towards her.

She's reaaaally sweet and- well, I've heard good things about her and her progress in coming to Islam. Mash'Allah!

Even though haven't been 'there' with her along the way of her journey, In a weird way, I kinda feel like I have.

I was so happy to hear that she was interested in Islam and may soon revert. I was soooo pleased to hear she when she had said her Shahadah – Mash’allah, and I was soooo excited when I found out she had been wearing hijab...

Mashallah – I don’t know.. its amazing. I have this insane love for reverts and the way they embrace Islam is beautiful, not to say that for a born Muslim its not cos everyone feels it. Everyone feels the love in the heart when they embrace the deen, but the revert brothers and sister... its something different.

I really don’t think of myself as an inspiring person so for her to tell me that my messages have done that for her is so lovely. In the same way that I was inspired by conversations with people, books read, lectures listened to – I guess I feel that I want to be able to do that for someone as well.. If i can say anything to someone so that they can see the beauty of Islam, I just think ‘Allhumdulillah!’ Allah has given me the ability to say something that’s insh’allah going to being someone closer to Him? That might seem like a small thing to you but the bigger picture to me, isn’t...


I often worry about reverts to Islam as I wonder just how much support they actually get... I know some revert sisters haven’t had the most friendliest or welcoming experiences, and that just make me feel bad man... I mean, we as Muslims already, what kind of image are we giving off about our beautiful deen...?

It annoys me! Especially when I think of occasions at my own Masjid... I don't know... I'm just happy to have met her... and insh'allah will do all I can for her, however much or however little help it may be.

-- Posted From My iPhone --

Saturday, 20 June 2009

Feeling Guilty...


I don't know what's going on recently but I keep missing my Fajr Salah.

I don't think I've ever missed as much Fajr salah in my whole time of praying. I think over these past couple of weeks or so, I've probably missed the Dawn prayer like 7 times... Maybe more...?

I feel so bad. Its not like I've lost my motivation or anything but sleep overcomes me. Whilst more asleep than awake, the alarm is turned off without me even realising.


See, timings are changing which means Fajr begins around 3:15am with the sunrising at about 4:45am. I begin my day at 7am and Isha is also quite late, ummm at about 11pm I think. As a result; by the time I've prayed Isha and made dua, its like 11:30/11:45pm (I pray a long salah!) which all means I'm just sooo knackered and thave to be up again in a few hours..

Words of help please my brothers and sisters??!!

I wake up and realise that I've missed Fajr and feel soooo guilty. Of course it's not intentional but I feel so bad. Admittedly, I may well be in a slight state of slumber when I pray my Fajr Salah but I love that time of the day and love Fajr salah... My Fajr salah...

Anyways, I've been meaning to post about a Course on Salah I went to last year which was outstanding and as promised, changed the way I would pray forever...

Ive been really lazy but coupled with the fact that all of a sudden I seem to be uber busy, just haven't had time... Inshallah I will try my best to post about these very, very, very; soon! There's some lovely points I want to share with you all as when I heard them, they just blew me away.

Anyways - I pray you are all well my beautiful readers, I pray you are in the best of Health and Imaan inshallah, I pray that Allah Subhanahu wa taala showers you with many, many blessings everyday and shows you mercy and compassion.

Stay well

Monday, 8 June 2009

Reflecting: Dinner with friends

I've just left a couple of girlfriends after dinner at the much raved about Thai restaurant at The Blue Elephant in Fulham. I had a lovely evening so why have I come away feeling a little deflated? Feeling quite sad, actually.

It’s been about a year since me and my 2 closest friends from uni spent some time together to kick back and chill. It was so nice to see them again but an evening catching up with friends wasn’t quite like the old days as I had thought it would be...

The last time I saw these girls together, I was a different person and I’ve changed much in the way I choose to live my life since then.

Where we once shared the same interests and liked doing the same things, don't really appeal to me anymore; and the things that never bothered me, now all of a sudden, did.

I knew they'd had a drink whilst they are waiting for me so by the time I arrived figured they must’ve been a bit... Well - 'intoxicated' let’s just say! I mean, they weren't wasted in the slightest but the nonsensical conversation had me wondering if they were just talking plain isht!

I feel bad saying this but I found myself thinking that while they're 'liquored up' I just don’t wanna be around them! Drunken people are fools at the best of times and if they wanna do that, cool do it in your own space but just don't impose it on me...

Please don't get me wrong, I love the girls to bits and wouldn't dream about telling them how to enjoy themselves but it was all waaaay too close for comfort that night.

For a few seconds wished I was somewhere else with a bunch of non-alcohol swigging hijabun chicks!

We sat and ate, joked and talked like we used to just like back in the day but at times I was a bit detached from them... Maybe it was all the thoughts running though my head distracting me from being ‘there’...?

Anyways, I've always been quite confident and secure within myself so when the girls started to rough up their hair and reapply the gloss for a photo, I began to really miss the long layered locks and the perfectly painted nails that I too once used sport...

I mean, they both looked stunning! The shiny glossy hair, luminous smooth skin and perfectly accessorized outfits made my coral cinched tunic with black and gold hijab pale into insignificance.

I really felt like the less pretty, less stylish friend and I’ve never felt that before! Without coming off as vain or anything, I’ve always been happy and confident within myself but recently... I dunno... I guess since wearing hijab, at times I feel quite self-conscious and sometimes – ugly too.

That glossy self-assured chick used to be me a few months ago but now the confidence I used to then ooze was now replaced with insecurity and self consciousness instead...

We laughed just before leaving whilst taking super stupid pics and generally were just messing around like we used to at uni. Ah, it was cool- I so miss those days mannn! Good times!

As they went off to continue their evening out I couldn’t help but feel kinda sad as I left them though... And almost wished that I was going with them.

Like, I've had sooo many laughs and good memories of these girls and as I watched them go, I realised that I may not actually have have many more new ones with them...

Seeing them after so long made me miss the fun we used to have and now feel that I won’t be a part of that any more. My friends bless them, have been amazing and so sweet and considerate of the things I will and won’t do now. They still make an effort to meet up and stuff, but it’s never quite gonna be the same as it was.

It kind of makes me wonder whether this could be the start of a friendship that's beginning to drift?

I've realised all the change that's taken place and guess that’s just left me feeling a little low. Knowing things have changed and won't be how they used to be saddens me a little...

I guess all this is just me, missing things. My friends, Spending time with them, Feeling confident – MY HAIR!!!!

Its so hard when you miss things - be it people, places, times – it's one of the hardest things to have to deal with in life but sometimes its not so bad cos you know you can see that person, or go to that place and you may feel a little better .

What is even more difficult? When you miss something but know there’s not a single thing you can do to make it better cos it is what it is.

Now that really is hard... And this, is just one of those... Allhumdulillah.

Sunday, 31 May 2009

The Daree Sharee (Aka - The Sunnah Beard!)

I reaaaaally love sunnah beards on brother. Mash'allah I think they are so beautiful and when a brother decides to keep a sunnah beard properly, adds much beauty and a level of respect about him.

Theres many a hadith about the beard and reckon had I been a dude? I'd keep one sharpish! (Inshallah I will post about these sometime in the future)

Anyways. I came across the following poem which I wanted to share with you.

Its a poem by a brother who had a negative experience about his beard and vented his anger by putting pen to paper, which resulted in this amusing yet thought-provoking and witty poem.

Beauty of the Beard
By Br Tushar Imdad-ul-Haque Bhuiya

Context of poem;
I came to eat dinner in my halls of residence one day last year when two sisters started laughing at me; I had some food stuck in my beard. They went on to innocently and honestly mock my beard saying it was messy, unnatural and unhygienic. Little did they know the rage that I felt as a result of this and I channeled this rage by unleashing my anger through my pen and out came this poem.

I performed this poem in the Leicester University/DMU Islamic Societies and Eid Celebration and it was received with much laughter and acclaim - Alhamdulillah. Due to popular demand and many requests I have decided to type my poem up and email it to my friends in Islam. Let me remind you all not to be offended as this is no fatwa or religious statement - just a funny poem that spontaneously was produced as a result of my unfortunate experience...

Tushar (12th March 2001)

"Glorified be He who beautifies women with long locks of hair
And Men with long beards
There is beauty in the beard
Aye, there is beauty in the beard!

When the lion roars all the animals submit
For the lion is the king of the jungle
The lion with its glorious mane
And a Muslim man grows his mane in pride
Showing the rest of humanity that he is to be respected
Can one imagine a lion without its mane?
Nay, thou canst not! Then imagine a man without his beard

Woe to worldly women who mock the beards so!
Desiring husbands with clean shaven faces
Woe to women who mock the Prophets Sunnah
In the name of hygiene, neatness and smooth texture
Indeed the women of this world cannot like the beard
But she who wants Paradise adores the beard!

A beard is a gift given to man
Something only he can grow; a woman never can!
When he ponders, he gently strokes it;
When he eats, it stores food;
When he is with kids, they play with it adoringly;
When he is with his wife, she fondles it lovingly;
When the enemy see it, fear is struck in their hearts!
Ah! there is indeed beauty in the beard!

All the Prophets had beards - yes they did!
Muhammad had a beard - so big! so big!
All the companions had beards - o yes! o yes!
All the sages had beards - I know! I know!
All the wise have beards - tis true! tis true!
All the pious have beards - you see! you see!
All the Muslims have beards!? - if only! if only!

Who did not have beards? The kafirun!
Who had clean shaven faces? The kafirun!
Who grew their moustaches? The kafirun!!
"And what did our Prophet order" I here you ask
He ordered us to lengthen the beard and trim the moustache!
Lengthen the beard and trim the moustache!
What greater reason that this can there be
The fact that our Prophet told us to see
That we make ourselves appear to the world
As full bearded men with honour untold

O Muslim brother!
Why do you desire to look like a woman
When your blessed facial hair is the difference between you and the opposite gender?
O poor Muslim brother!
Why do you imitate the kafir Instead of following the Prophet of Islam?
O silly Muslim sister!
Why are you so blind?
Infatuated with Bollywood actors who have no mind!
O wretched sister!
Are you not scared of your choice?
You would rather have a feminine monkey
Instead of an exalted manly ape!

So indeed I love my beard
And adore the curls and tangles
Which no oil, gel or superglue can ever straighten
My glorious long, curly, messy, fluffy beard!
The playhouse for kids;
The envy of Malaysian people
And the beloved of Allah!
I maybe rejected by worldly women because of this hair on my face
But who care! For my Mum loves it and she puts all such sisters to disgrace!
Be patient Muslim brothers, who shun the trendy look for a Prophetic pose
Paradise with the wide eyed Houris is our final abode!!!!!"

Friday, 29 May 2009

Jumaa Mubarak!

Salaams ladies
(and maybe to a few brothers too?)

It's almost 8am, I've just stepped out of the house and my first thoughts are subhan'Allah! The sun's shining and the birds are singing- Allah has blessed us with beautiful weather on this blessed day of Jumaa...

I spoke in my last post about my concern for my iman. Allhumdulillah yesterday I prayed the most beautiful Asr salah to me! All those things I spoke about in my last post returned, I was conscious of Allah, my heart was present during salah, worldy thoughts didn't come to me... Subhanallah!

I sat and as I made dua and began to thank Allah for all those things I could see around me, that he's blessed me with, I thanked him for being a muslimah who by his will has been guided. I thanked him for having a prayed a beautiful salah when tears began to drop like white pearls from my eyes.

Im not sure if they were tears of sadness for what I'd lost or tears of joy for having found what I'd lost... But wow! After weeks of feeling lost and alone, I once again had the feeling of contentment and much peace at heart.

Insh'allah, todays gonna be a good day- I can feel it! It's the blessed day of Jumaa, and even though I'm on my way to work (Whilst I wanna be in bed!) and getting my foot crushed in the car door, (It hurts!) Allhumdulillah - I feel good man! I feel happy! I'm content with my lot.. I don't need anymore as I have more than enough..

I love Allah! I love my religion! And I love you all for the sake of Allah...

Jumaa kareem my beautiful readers- have a fabulous day!

Salaam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu


-- Posted From My iPhone --

Sunday, 24 May 2009

Salah: I'm slipping... I'm falling...

Earlier in the week I was sooo worried about my Iman. It’s decreased and I don’t know how or when it happened.

Insh’allah I am steadfast in salah but for some reason I’m not able to pray how I used to. Im not able to pray with that sincerity and humility I used to feel. I don’t have that love or feeling in my heart… I don’t have that fragility I used to experience. I have little concentration and find my thoughts during salah are consumed with such worldly matters.

It almost feels like I’ve stepped back a year to before finding my way to Islam. I pray with little understanding of the words being recited and unaware of what my actions truly signify.

I can’t even supplicate how I used to – I can’t even sit and supplicate with all my heart and ask for Allah to have mercy on me, my family and friends. I find I can’t bring myself to ask Allah of anything… well not with any feeling or real want like I used to... Even asking Allah to bring me back to my deen and increasing my iman – I’m empty… it’s hard not to think of it as anymore than just words right now…

Upon hearing the beautiful recitation of the Noble Quran, I feel nothing… The words no longer deeply touch my heart like they used to and am no longer able to listen to the harmonious words… My heart has hardened and I sooo long for it to return to the state it was in a few weeks ago. I didn’t see this coming and I didn’t see it happening… How have things changed in just a few short weeks??

As the days have gotten longer and the hours increased between salah, what was supposed to be a look around the shops or a quick Google on the net, somewhere turned into hours… coupled with neglect of the Quran and most importantly my Lord, I think, has led to the decrease of my iman that I’m now sooo so worried about.

"Therefore remember me [by praying, glorifying etc.] and I will remember you…"
(Quran 2: 152)

"Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest!"
(Quran 13:28)

O Allah, Please forgive me. O Allah, please restore and renew my faith. O Allah please keep my grip on the rope strong and firm.

I will continue to make dua for Allah to being me back. I need to to reestablish my faith. Being the second most important pillar after the Kalimah and having felt that my salah is what has suffered most, Insh'allah this is where I will begin...

I just feel that I need to go back to basics as a refresher.. and spend some time contemplating and reflecting on the true meaning of what Salah is to the Mu'min.

Why do we pray and what are the blessings in Salah?
What happened on the night of Al Mi'raj when Salah was ordained on the Ummah?
What do the beautiful words we recite really mean?
What do our actions during Salah truly signify?

I pray that in reminding myself in these basic principles I will find that spiritual connection and fragility I felt in my Salah up until just recently...

Rabbij-'alnii muqii-mas-Salaati wa min dhurriyyatii, Rabbanaa wa taqabbal Du-'aaa


The Spread of Islam - Subhan'Allah!

Whilst out in the blogosphere earlier this week, I came across this post on a blog I’m following which is insanely interesting!

The lovely Jamaican Muslimah posted the following link on the demographics of Islamic immigration in Europe.

The numbers are A-MAZING and it just goes to show the spread of Islam is unstoppable. A scary indicator how close to the end of time we may actually be...

Subhanallah! I’m speechless and sat in awe...

Deffo worth a look..

Much love ladies

Sunday, 17 May 2009

TopShop Shopping...!

Being a new hijabi, Ive quickly got bored with all my old clothes as I basically cant wear them how I used to anymore... Cue mornings of openeing my wardrobe and gawping in an uber confused state thinking "What the hell'm I gonna wear today?!"

Ask my sister! Its become a running joke to ask "What you wearing today?" Knowing that neither of us have a fricking clueeeee!!!

Man - its soooo hard when alli really wann do is oull on a pair of denims along with my kicks and a cardigan... Your probs thinking whats wrong with that?! Well wehn you work with uber glam fashionistas, kicks and tees just dont cut it! Drab hijab just wont dooo!

which is whyyyy- im super excited about these little goregous visions of lovliness below! If they havnt already - theyll soon be winging their way into my ready-to-burst-at-the-seams wardrobe!

Whoooop - cant wait!

Im especially loving the black jacket at the top, I dont think you can see very well in the pic, but its a black lace jacket which is perfect for chucking over sleevless dresses that havnt seen the light of day since last year...

The scarf in the bottom left is actually one designed by matthew willaimson for HnM - its goooooregous! Ive never really been into patterned Hijabs and tend to go for plain but this was gorge and worn on a canvas of black and electric blue shoes (sorry dont have a pic for those!) i think is gonna look amazing...

Harem pants on the bottom are jersey and uber comfy, maybe with shoeboots or my Adidas hightop trainers...? Though im wondering what to wear on top!! But im sure ill find a way no doubt... please suggest if you have any ideas...!

And finally, the belt in the middle also deserves a mention as it perfect for cinching in shift dresses from all those season ago that also sit dormant..! Teamed with a long lightweight cardi - inshallah, ill be good to go...!

Never before have I looked forward to going to work..!
Much love ladies...


Thursday, 14 May 2009

Where do you find the time?!

I'm on my way home after what seems like a horrendously long week at work and am sooo sleepy (Still have Friday to go...)

Where do you ladies find the time to post?! I'm sat here next to this man (who smells and is encroaching into my space with his newspaper reading arm-Grrrr!) looking at my blog and it needs more posts! The only time I find to catch up on the latest goings on in the blogosphere is on my commute to and from work...

Omg I his arm came too far over and had to tell him to watch what he's doing! That's sooooo not the things brit commuters do! Thicko! I had to tell him 3 times before he got what I was saying...

Anyways.. Back to blogging! Some fellow bloggers manage to post 2 or 3 times a day...

My posts seem to take forever to write and always end up do long too hence the infrequency of them!

Hmm... I think I need to brush up on by blogging skills!

Anyways, just thinking in writing...

Insh'allah if there's anything you'd like me to post about drop me a quick line

Stay blessed ladies!

-- Posted From My iPhone --

Thursday, 7 May 2009

Like a star, a star, a star...

Dressed in stretch Jbrand jeans and black HandM zip back dress with hair piled high in a messy bun, I sit uninterested. The McQueen-esqe Topshop scarf hangs loosely barely covering my exposed neck and I find myself feeling even more detached from my 11am Monday meeting than usual.

At this point, my head’s full of thoughts and feelings of failure… guilt… and weakness to name but a few. I sit feeling absolutely gutted that I had barely even tried that morning.

I didn't try. In hindsight - I didn't try. At all.

Amidst all the talk of the AW09 collection and Sales plans, I experienced quite a surreal moment. I still can’t quite find the words to explain what I felt and think even if I could? I wouldn't be able to fully describe the moment as I’ve never experienced anything quite like it before.

It was so weird… It was probably the closest thing to an out of body experience... I remember feeling very aware all of a sudden; aware of myself and my surroundings. I found myself sat there, in this meeting that I cared nothing about, in the tightest of denim, exposed neck and hair uncovered when reality hit me. The realization of what I was doing hit me so hard, I froze… I sat bolted to my seat, with baited breath and my heart began sinking even further than it had already done so that morning.

For the first time - I felt such shame! And never before have I felt shame like I had at that moment when I became aware of my Lord was watching down on me, disobeying Him! Disobeying his commands and disobeying what had been ordained on me as a Muslim woman.

Gosh – Chills run through me as I type…

I very quickly became conscious His presence - Taqwa I believe, at that moment in time. I've never felt such failure, disappointment and weakness in myself before.

Monday 23rd February was the day that I was supposed to begin wearing hijab. The rest of the day was spent feeling absolutely horrendous…

See, the thing is, had I worn Hijab that morning, it honestly wouldn’t have been for the right reasons – my decision to go ahead begin wearing Hijab that morning was decided on a whim the Friday prior!

Subhanallah – The Friday was an absolutely beautiful day; it was the blessed day of Jum’aa, the sun was shining and the birds were singing. I felt content and all praise was to Allah subhanahu wa taala.. I felt blessed and was also feeling ‘good’ in the Islamic sense… I'd booked the day off from work and was trialing the Hijab ahead of the Fundamentals of faith seminar I was attending in the evening.

Mash’allah after a truly inspiring lecture taught by Shaikh Yasir Qadhi, I felt much more connected spiritually towards my beautiful deen and left feeling my iman had increased. A conversation with a close friend discussing the lecture and Islam in general soon turned to my dithering in observing hijab.

The same silly excuses rolled off my tongue to be greeted with the same sensible answers from my friend followed by the suggestion of putting the hijab on and just not taking it off... "You’ll be wearing it all weekend, be surrounded by brothers and sisters in the deen, why don't you just get up on Monday and go to work with it on…?"

OMG! The nerves and butterflies I felt! The excitement rushed though my whole body!

Now, I’m very much the type of person who never makes sporadic decisions unless I’ve thought long and hard about them. Depending on the situation, I need to feel ready and certain that I’m making the right choice so this was totally a new prospect to me!

It sounded sooo exciting – It sounded amazing in fact! A new chapter, A new me and an a new way of life sounding fascinating so much so that amidst all my nervous excitement, I found myself thinking "Ok! I’m just gonna do it – No thinking, just do it!!"

I was inundated with beautiful Hadith, Quran verses, Dua and well wishes.

“Tomorrow’s gonna be the start the start to a new phase of your life’’ – To hear those words was amazing! It was the start of a new me... Being a bit of a worrier, the feeling of doing this with no worries... no stresses... no fears felt amazing and so carefree... All those demons that you may have read about in my previous post didnt matter and it all felt so simple and easy..

Things took a slight turn however as throughout the course of the weekend, I’d had time to think about what I was going to do… Shaitan had begun working his ways on me and the doubts, fears, worries and the feelings of not being ready quickly crept back into my mind…

“I don’t have any Hijabs to wear!”
“I don’t know what I’m going to say to people!”
“How are they going to react?”
“Will they be shocked? How will I face all the questions?!”

All these thoughts and questions ran through my mind – it was a rushed decision that I wasn’t mentally or physically prepared for...

What was decided on impulse now had me feeling nervous like crazy and found myself going back on my decision... I hadn’t planned it… I wasn’t organized… I hadn’t had the chance to get used to it… I don’t ever do things on impulse as I’m very much a thinker! So all these thing were important for me to have in hand…

Above all else, there was a major factor which influenced my decision to wear (or not wear as the case had been) to wear the hijab that morning...

I wouldn’t have done it as I felt ready to do it, or cos I felt the love to do it, or even cos really wanted to do it… If i had worn hijab that morning, it would have been due to not wanting to dissapoint my friend who had invested so much time in me, encouraged me and was so, so pleased to hear of my decision...

I felt this immense pressure and expectation that was put on me to do this. I honestly felt had I gone through with it, it would have been to please someone in this life rather than for the sake of the one being that this should truly be for and matters the most - Allah subhanau wa taala.

Anything I do for the deen - for me, needs to be for the right reasons... My actions for my deen are not to please people or seek their approval or gratification... I do these things as I want to do them to please my creator. Allah is the only one that I aim to please, and no one else.
So in wearing the hijab, I didn’t want to feel pressured to wear it... I didn’t want to wear it cos someone else wanted me to – it had to be for ME. I wanted to want to wear it, and I wanted to feel ready to wear it. I didn’t want to look back in years to come and feel that I had been indirectly 'pushed' into wearing it... Astagfirullah I feared that should I ever feel this, I would not only end up resenting someone for it but also resent wearing the hijab also.. I didnt want to feel that... Allhumdulillah - Ive never felt any resntment before for anyhting but can only but imagine what this could do to a person...

I felt quite strongly that had to be of my own accord as it was for my beautiful cousins and it would be when I was ready (or as ready as I could ever be) to wear it…

In my heart, it just didn’t feel right - thats it...

With all this in mind – Subconsciously or not, I had already made up my mind about wearing it on Monday… my decision was, that I wouldn’t. Although I told friends that I would try – deep down in the subconscious I guess I knew I wouldn’t.

10am Monday morning I drafted the below email and sent it in the hope of finding reassurance; Someone to say that it was a small setback and it would be ok maybe.. a few further words of encouragement perhaps…Anything – I just needed to hear it was ok and to stop feeling so guilty about it…

Seeing these emails again have actually been quite hard for me to read actually, I guess as everything I went throught hat mornign comes flooding back... Anyways...

“Asalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

I feel sick with disappointment.. I’m sitting here and feel so bad that I couldn’t do it, I didn’t even make an effort to do so this morning.

I woke up got ready as usual and then gave it a few moments thoughts and just couldn’t do it...

My way into work was spent thinking how would I feel on the train wearing Hijab? Ok
How would I feel on the tube wearing Hijab Ok?
How would I feel walking into work in Hijab - mmm not sure
Sitting at my desk now thinking how would I feel wearing Hijab - self conscious.... wondering what everyone’s thinking...

its also just dawned on me that I don’t like to draw attention to myself and know in wearing Hijab that will happen - all eyes really will be on me...

I can’t even begin to tell you what I’m feeling..

I have this horrible sinking feeling inside...
Does this make me a weak person? I feel it.”

I was greeted with a short terse response; which was the last thing I needed… I already felt horrendous and I didn’t need to be made to feel any worse than I already did.

I remember feeling like I had no one! I remember feeling like my friend who had been sooo supportive had now turned away from me and had left me to my own devices...

Melodramaatic maybe - but thats how I felt!

I guess it’s if you spend so much time, helping someone and are over the moon when progress has been made, but then to see that person go back a step, it must be super frustrating. Maybe even make you want to give up almost and would possibly make you feel why you ever bothered – and all your efforts had been wasted...?

8 or 9 months ago, I was a lost shallow little soul whose be all and end all was fashion, gym, Facebook and that’s pretty much it… Yeah I prayed and stuff but my deen wasn’t the priority in my life. I wanted to do more for my deen and iman, but being a procrastinator never usually got anywhere fast… My friend had been such a positive influence in my life, had it not be for this its quite likely that I’d still be plodding along not really having given the hijab or anything else any serious thought…

The rest of that week was the toughest.

But you know what? It was a blessing in disguise as it made me stronger and even more determined to do this… if at first you don’t succeed…

I decided to give myself a bit of time.. a week, and would take the plunge…
All I needed was a week- just one week to prepare cos I was soooo going to do this! And you know what else? I was going to do it on my own!

I didn’t need anyone else as truly Allah was sufficient. Don’t get me wrong all the support and the love from friends helps very much but it was down to the Qadar of Allah if this was going to happen.

I supplicated my heart out that Allah would make it easy and give me the strength and courage to go through with it…and you know what He really did. All those things I was most worried about and feared? – They all seemed to have taken care of themselves…

Gosh – here come the chills again..

Honestly – thinking back that week was lovely as I was so immersed in doing this and being ready for it..

I sent texts round so friends who were wearing hijab already and asked where they buy Hijabs and spoke to friends who had made the change also.

Allhumdulillah, upon telling everyone how I felt so disappointed in myself – they were all so great and shared their experiences and thoughts. Everyone was sooo supportive and were so lovely.. even the sisters I saw in the prayer room at work – honestly i felt truly blesses to have these people to speak to, to make me feel better and to know that they were there for me..

It’s always easier knowing someone’s gone though what you have and to see, that they’re doing ok so insh’Allah I will be too!

I went shopping in my lunch hour and after work in search of Hijabs everyday for a week! I traipsed up and down Oxford Street, made trips to Green street and even rummaged thought old Shalwaar Kameez in search for beautiful Dupattas to add to my new wardrobe of Hijabs!

I researched to death reasons for wearing hijab, I must have printed out like 30 pages worth of Information on reasons, experiences, Hadiths, Punishments, Benefits - everything and anything relating to hijab… I spent my hour long commute into work reading highlighting and thinking about hijab and the beauty of observing it not only to understand it for myself further but also to be able to explain it when faced with questions…

The final thing that needed addressing and the BIGGEST reason why I hadn’t already started wearing the hijab – work! I decided to avoid the limelight that was to ensue, the below was needed… Again, to avoid a big song and dance about it, i sent out a discreet email to my immediate team..

“Hi ladies,
Almost time for the weekend!

Ok rather than making a big announcement I just thought it'd be easier if I just sent an email...

From next week (hopefully!), I plan to start wearing the Hijab on a permanent basis (Hijab is the Islamic dress, so basically just covering my hair...)
Being Muslim, it’s something I've been thinking about for a while and I've now finally decided to just do it...

It’s quite a big change for me - eeeek!
I just wanted to let you all know beforehand so it’s doesn't come as a surprise when you see me looking a bit different come Monday morning!

That's all...!

I was like a woman possessed that week – I was on autopilot! Every spare moent was spent thinking about the following Monday and my first day as a Hijabi, only this time positively and more motivated, determined and excited than ever!

And that was it!

All done and no more excuses!

Everything had been dealt with and I was ready to go…

Monday 2nd March? BRING IT!!!

Gosh it seems like forever ago now and it’s actually been quite tough reliving this post – It was such a hard week for me but Allhumdulillah I came out shining...

Like a star in fact!
= D

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Mischa got her (Fashion!) groove back

OHMYGOSH! - I've been inspired!
It looks like after months of dressing like this...

(Ewww - is that a slight hint of a camels toe we see? I think sooo! Astagfirullah! She obviously didnt look in the mirror before leaving her house that day...)

(Leggings teamed with a butt skimming top and butch manly boots? NEVER a good look lady...)

Mischa finally got her groove back! And boy has she got it back gooooood?!!
She looks amazing and her dresses below are stunning - I WANT!!! Anyone know who they're by?!
I'm especially loving the shape of the below dress, so much so, that I'm thinking I might see if I can get my tailor to make me up something like this... (Its a bit snug but we can get Mr tailor to loosen it out some, right ladies - Whaddya think?!

And this black one toooo! (Below!)
I have one quite similar to it in jersey though its very simple I feel it looks really plain when I'll wear it... The one Mishchas wearing is lovely with the gorgeous gold detail on the neck though I think if iI was to customise my dress, my hijab would cover it all up anyways... Hmmm... Its still inspired me enough to wear it already (its been sitting in my closet for months!)

I have a shopping urge coming on girlies!
Hope your all well insh'Allah sisters,
Stay blessed until next time...

Monday, 27 April 2009

Todays thoughts...

She had a soul – she had life breathed into her. She was breathing- She was living and soon to enter from her world into ours…

Today she is being shrouded and being buried at the foot of her beautiful older brother who passed away aged just 4 years.

Asalaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu Sisters,

I feel so horrendous today, I feel very subdued and in a very deep and contemplative mood.

I was given the news that a very close relative who was due to give birth in 8 weeks time very sadly, by Allah’s will, suffered from a miscarriage last night.

I’m left feeling deeply saddened for the mother as 5 short years ago she had to endure the loss of her 4 year old son. I can’t even begin to imagine how she must be feeling… What must be going through her head? What must she be feeling? Not being a mother myself; I can’t even begin to understand this…

I can’t help but think if it was me in this situation God forbid, – I’d be left thinking all sorts, blaming myself, my body, past sins and such 'bad luck'...

Of course luck has nothing to do with it as this was the decree, the qadar - of Allah but…?.... *sighs* I don’t know… Surely that's what you would naturally feel - right? Or wrong….?

Maybe it was Allah’s way of saving her from pain and troubles of what may have been an ill child? A child who would have been best to neot ebeter this world? Gosh...Who knows...

I just feel so bad... I know its sooo easy for me to say, but I really do pray she is given strength and sabr in this testing time for her Insh'Allah... She has suffered much hardship and after harship comes ease (Surah Al Inshirah - 94:5-6)

Mu’adh b. Jabal reported on the authority of Allah’s Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi wa-Sallam) who said "By him in whose Hand is my life, the miscarried foetus will drag his mother towards the paradise, with his navel string if she had shown the patience for the sake of reward from Allah."

Abu Huraira reported that Allah’s Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi wa-Sallam) said "The miscarried foetus that I send before me is dearer to me than a rider whom I leave behind." [Ibn Majah]

Subhanallah - the blessings of a mother whom has suffers such loss...

Gosh I feel so insensitive – it was just last week I was texting her about it and gushing about the good news… I feel awful. I’m quite worried for her actually… and as always will keep her in my duas, even more so now…

I’m sorry for the distressing post ladies, just something I had to get out...
= (

Have a blessed day Sisters,

Fi Amanillah

Thursday, 23 April 2009

Quick thought...

On route to plush Lebanese restaurant Noura, I can't help but notice all the flesh I see... Tanned thighs...full bust...toned shoulders

Astagfirullah... Honestly, I'm speechless... I can't help but think about the reasons why these women feel to dress like this...!!!

The social dilemmas that surround us... What a world we live in...

-- Posted From My iPhone --

Saturday, 18 April 2009

Sooooo, What was the delay?

Asalaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu beautiful readers...

Ok so I was cleaning out my beloved iPhone of all the ‘’iStuff’’ I’ve managed to store on it over the past months and come across a little something I thought I'd share...

It’s often used for me to tap into my emotions when I’m trying to work out exactly what it is I’m feeling... it holds words truly spoken from deep inside that no one, and I mean no one (not even me sometimes) but Allah Subhanahu wa tala knows...

Anyways – I came across the below. It’s a note that I'd saved when I was on the verge of finally donning the Hijab. I found myself wanting to do it and ready to do it, but subconsciously delaying it and didn’t know why... I had all these reasons that I thought were the cause for the delay but figured there was something more to it as when I questioned those reasons... they just weren’t valid...

Here are my thoughts from 59 days ago...

“Why don't I wear Hijab??

I don't know. I think for a number of reasons which I will now try to work out...

But before doing so I want to express my how much I actually want to begin wearing the Hijab... So why exactly DO I want to observe Hijab?

First and foremost I think... as it’s a commandment of my Lord. Plain and simple I guess... He's the one who created the heavens and the earth, the universe. I'm Allah's Creation - He’s the one I belong to. The Almighty creator, my owner... so I should do what my creator wants of me. Like you obey your parents cos temporarily they are over you, surely I should obey the one who made me? If something belongs to you, you want to do with it what you wish. You want it to work to please you and service you as you want it to...

In observing hijab, I want to show my faith. I'm a Muslim and I'm proud of that. I want people to know I'm a Muslim and I believe in my Allah. I love my religion and when you love something you want to show it off for all to see...

I want to observe veil to safeguard me from unwanted situations and comments. I don't want to be leered at. I don't want to have to deal with awkward comments from unwanteds... Sometimes I can't go into certain stores such as Footlocker or the menswear departments cos these places are full if pervy male sales assistants.. Walking through makes me feel so uncomfortable cos I feel they're all watching and perving -even on a rough day!... Astagfirullah.


Will I feel the need to conform and dress with the right shoes? The right handbag? The accessories? Possibly – just to show my love for fashion and clothes and that I love the latest looks...

So why DONT I wear Hijab yet?

Maybe I'm not ready to let go, not ready to let go of what I know maybe? It will mean changing everything physically visual about me. Mainly - my clothes.

Clothes are a part of me and in a sense changing that will be changing my personality. Changing the way I dress... Clothes make me feel good. If I'm dressed in the way that I like, that I’m happy with and comfortable with - I feel confident and I feel happy. If I'm not 100% happy, I feel rubbish... The other girls always look amazing, I’ll feel soooo crap in comparison..

Maybe thinking about clothes making me feel confident is not the right way. How will dressing in Hijab make me feel confident? What confidence will Hijab give me?? What will I get from wearing Hijab - increased imaan inshallah...?

Am I ready for the questions people will ask? Yes. I can give them the answers above as to why I observe veil. Though- they won't really understand...

How will I handle the reactions? I don’t like the attention being on me and can’t be bothered with having people make exclamations of my decision and asking me questions why I’ve done it... is it bad that I can’t be bothered to explain...? its dawah... maybe it may be cos I don’t feel I have enough knowledge to do it justice?? Yeah I can explain why I’m doing but will I be able to make them see the real beauty of wearing Hijab...

Am I avoiding the confrontation and all the limelight being on me...? That would be the worst thing - all eyes on me... I dont want to have to explain to people feel like I'm put on the spot..

I was born a Muslim, I believe in Allah and the Quran. My book tells me to cover as a commandment from my lord. Will people thin think I’m a ‘Bible Basher’? Will they think I’m a dork for being into religion?

It’s a commandment from my Lord - People will accept that. But I don't want them to change towards me... I don't want them to think I'm being forced to do it, or oppressed or anything else like that maybe, the way I dress will reflect that...?

But then why should I care what anyone else thinks??

Why do I care? I shouldn't cos whatever they think I will continue love my religion and that's all matters... The only one that I need to be worried about answering to? The Almighty Allah...”

Subhanallah! – all those thoughts and feelings I’d been feeling were so overwhelming!

Allhumdulillah – I finally put on the Hijab on Monday March 2nd 2009... And after all that, the first day at work? It really wasn’t all that bad – in fact it was one the MOST memorable...

Amazing in fact...

But that’s another post soon to be Insh’Allah...
= )

--Posted From My iPhone --

Sunday, 12 April 2009

I got your back...

“Woman was made from the rib of man,
She was not created from his head to top him,
Nor form his feet to be stepped upon,
She was made from his side to be close to him,
From beneath his arm to be protected by him,
Near his heart to be loved by him”

Such a beautiful quote!

I stumbled across this earlier today and was left thinking ‘Wow!’...

I was listening to a lecture earlier in the week on the creation of Prophet Adam (Alayhis Salam) and was reminded that Huwa (Peace be upon Her) was created from Adam (Alayhis Salam) so my enquiring little mind then wanted to research a little further into this...

I came across the following hadith;

Abu Huraira narrated that the Prophet said: “...Treat women well and with kindness, for woman was created from the rib, and the most crooked part of a rib is its upper part. And if you were to straighten it, you would break it ; and if you were to leave it, it would remain crooked. So treat women well...”
(Sahih Al -Bukhari)

I was a bit confused as to the meaning of this hadith – what did it mean exactly? What relation did the bent rib have to do with the how Islam teaches you to treat women?

It wasn’t until I googled further I found my answers...!

What was interesting to see was how Christian followers had taken this hadith in a negative way and illustrated this hadith to mean Islam views women as being created ‘crooked’ or ‘bent’ by nature therefore – defective!

APPARENTLY - In attempting straighten this rib would break it and as woman also, is crooked like the rib – it would be pointless in trying to do so...

I’m now left thinking WTH?!?!! Ok so I know that the hadith won’t mean anything so negative for Islam isn’t a religion that’s unfair or unreasonable – but what interested me is how it was taken in such a bipolar way! Anyways...

The Noble Quran states:

“We have indeed created man in the best of moulds,”
(Surah Al Tin – 95:4)


“It is He [Allah] who made good everything He created”
(Surah Al Sajda – 32:7)

This hadith has clearly been taken in the wrong context and is often used to promote the view that Islam treats us women as inferiors and unequal.... A true believer strives to live every part of his live by the Quran and Sunnah so any one anyone who has studied or even has the slightest knowledge of these is fully aware that this is so not what Islam says about women and the role they play.

In fact it's quite contradictory!

Women are regarded highly and far superior in Islam as some would think. And the hadith above would no way entertain any other notion...

Women have an exceptionally important place in Islam which also holds a woman in high esteem. Her importance as a mother and a wife has been clearly stated by Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi wa-Sallam);

Once a person asked the prophet who deserves the best care from me? The prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa-Sallam) said your mother (3 times), then your father and then your closest relatives.

He (Sallallahu Alaihi wa-Sallam) also said "Fear Allah (Subhanahu wa Taala) in respect of women; and, the best of you are they who behave best to their wives; and, a Muslim must not hate his wife, and if he is displeased with one bad quality in her, let him be pleased with one that is good; the more civil and kind a Muslim is to his wife, the more perfect in faith he is."

Ok so what exactly does this Hadith in question speak of? The wording of the same hadith as narrated by Imam Muslim in his Sahih, which reads:

Abu Huraira narrated that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa-Sallam) said: “The woman was created from a rib. She will not be straight according to your way. If you want to enjoy her, you will have to enjoy her with her twist [crookedness]. And if you try to straighten her, you would break her: and breaking her is divorcing her"

The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa-Sallam) states that woman is not ‘’...straight according to your way...’’

So in other words refers to man and woman being different in the way in that they were created. The mind of the man works in a way that is different to that of the woman and thus leads to differences in the way in which they think; and also behave. It could also be said that to woman, the man is also ‘bent’ or ‘crooked’ compared to her.

(I couldn’t help but laugh here!)

The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa-Sallam) then goes onto say that do not try and change her inherent nature but to work with her and any ‘crookedness’ that may be ... This means that she may not be as the man may wish in some aspects but to accept her fully as Allah, Al-Khaliq, has made her.

“O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should you treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the dowry you have given them - except when they have become guilty of open lewdness. On the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike something and God will bring about through it a great deal of good”
(Surah An Nisa – 4:19)

The hadith finishes with explaining in trying to straighten the rib will result in it breaking... So in trying to straighten out the woman will result in breaking her also - and the way in which to break a woman...? Divorce...

The woman is like the protection like the rib is to the heart; and the same way, the woman is the protection to the man. For the protection for the heart to remain, there needs to be an initial protection to the rib as if any harm were to come to the rib, this would leave the heart unprotected and vulnerable...

Subhanallah - a very soft and kind Hadith which illustrates the affection that should be between man and woman whilst also teaches us how a wife and husband should compliment each other...

Truly such a beautiful analogy – which I pray that I too, will be blessed with one day Insha’Allah.

Keep me in your duas,
Fi amanillah

Sunday, 5 April 2009

To Allah we belong and unto Him we shall return...

So Tuesday saw the 26th birthday of my beautiful brother Imran.

26 years... Mashallah - a grown man.

I haven’t seen Imran for just over six years now. I wonder how he is. I wonder where he is. I wonder if he was here, what he'd be doing.

I imagine he's grown a beard - and expect he looks beautiful. He's stunning as it is, exceptionally handsome Allhumdulillah and the beard MashAllah would add perfectly to his innocent beauty...

Humble, sweet and sincere are my thoughts of him...

Those qualities radiate from the last picture I have of him. His face-beautiful, golden coloured, rosebud lips, thick eyebrows and a sombre expression.

Who knew?

The Quran reads:
“Verily the knowledge of the Hour is with Allah (alone). It is He Who sends down rain, and He Who knows what is in the wombs. Nor does anyone know what it is that he will earn on the morrow: nor does anyone know in what land he is to die. Verily with Allah is full knowledge and He is acquainted (with all things).”
(Surah Luqman – 31:34)

Ibn Kathir’s tafsir tells us that only Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala knows of the final hour. The timing of the final hour is one of 5 things that have not been revealed to us and are only known to Allah, Al Aleem ; The All-knowing, The Knowledgeable and The One nothing is absent from.

One day a man came to the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa-Sallam) and said “O Messenger of Allah, when will the Hour come' He said the one who is asked about it does not know more than the one who is asking”

When the rain is to fall... What may be in the womb... That which man is due tomorrow and the land in which he is to die is only known by one who is the all knowing Creator.

Although Allah does not will for the soul be taken in a particular land, it says in Hadith narrated by Usamah bin Zayd: If Allah wants to take a person's soul in a particular land, He will be give him a reason to go there.

Subhanallah! Who BUT Allah Subhanahu as tala knew?

Your appointed time...

“But to no soul will Allah grant respite when the time appointed (for it) has come: and Allah is well-acquainted with (all) that ye do.”
(Surah Al Munafiqoon – 63:11)

“It is He Who has created you from dust, then from a sperm-drop, then from a leech-like clot; then does He get you out (into the light) as a child: then lets you (grow and) reach your age of full strength; then lets you become old― though of you there are some who die before; - and lets you reach a Term appointed: in order that you may learn wisdom.”
(Surah Al Ghafir – 40:67)

February 18th 2003.

The Angel of death came to you with a duty to be fulfilled. That was your time brother - THAT was your time. There was no way in which you would have been spared of this and your appointed Angel would only leave once your soul was taken and the duty was complete.

“He is Supreme over His creatures, and He appoints guards to protect you. When the appointed time of death comes to any of you, our messengers put him to death without delay.”
(Surah Al Anam – 6:61)

Blessed with the honour...

There was something of a negative feeling about the trip that would lead to your demise.

I had so much love for you and loved time on the weekends with just us four...

It was unexplainable but I didn’t want you to go. My heart didn’t want you to go. My heart didn’t want you to be away from us and leave us here...

But you did... you went and left us here without out you for good...

What was the message that Allah had sent in taking you from us?
What lessons were we to learn from losing you...?
How was this to make us grow?

We were truly tested with the most precious and beautiful gem to us all.

It has been authentically related that the Prophet, upon Him be peace said:
“Also a martyr is he who is killed in a strange land far away from his hearth and kin.”
(Narrated from Ibn `Abbas by Ibn Majah)

Other hadiths have also related: "The death of the stranger is shahada" (ie he who dies in a foreign land) as Narrated from Ibn `Abbas and Ibn `Umar by al-Daraqutni and a third wording, "Whoever dies a stranger, dies a shaheed" as narrated from Anas and Abu Hurayra.

Imam al-Bukhari and Muslim, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) mentioned five types of martyrs:

· One who dies in a plague
· One who dies of intestinal ailments
· One who dies of drowning
· One who dies under a collapsed building
· One who dies as a martyr in jihad

Imam Ahmad, Abu Dawud and others stated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “There are seven martyrs”. Having said this, he added the following to the list mentioned above:

· One who dies in a fire
· A woman who dies during child-birth

A third report states that the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) said:

· Whoever dies while defending his own possessions is a martyr
· Whoever dies defending his own person is a martyr
· Whoever dies guarding his own faith is a martyr
· Whoever dies fighting in order to defend his own family is also a martyr

The shaheed are of two categories – the first is he who dies in Jihad in the way of Allah and the second he who dies from something that is not his own making.

There is a small difference in the 2 types of Shaheed – he who is slain in the way of Allah Subhanahu wa taala does not need to be bathed before burial as from the moment of bloodshed all his past sins are forgiven. The second type of shaheed is not thought of as a true shaheed in this world as such but receives the rewards and blessing of the shaheed in there hereafter and therefore still need to be bathed before burial.

According to Imam an-Nawawi, “The second category of martyrs will receive rewards of martyrdom, and yet unlike the martyrs of jihad, they will be bathed (before burial) and prayed over.”

Subhanallah - Truly an honour to possess and something of a comfort for the immense loss experienced. The shaheed is considered one whose place in Paradise is promised according to the below verse in the Quran:

“Think not of those who are slain in Allah's way as dead. Nay, they live, finding their sustenance in the presence of their Lord; They rejoice in the bounty provided by Allah. And with regard to those left behind, who have not yet joined them (in their bliss), the (martyr's) glory in the fact that on them is no fear, nor have they (cause to) grieve.”
(Al Baqarah – 3:169-173)

Taken together, numerous verses from the Quran convey the undeniable message that for those shaheed, there is a unique and immediate reward. In the divine existence there will be six qualities from which they are blessed with:

· He will be forgiven from the first moment his blood is spilled;
· He shall see his seat in Paradise and be protected against the punishment of the grave;
· He shall be safe from the greatest terror [the rising of the dead];
· He shall be given the crown of dignity, one ruby of which is worth more than the entire world and its contents;
· He shall be coupled with seventy-two spouses from the wide-eyed Hurians of Paradise;
· He shall be granted to intercede for seventy of his members of his family as narrated Abu Darda.

It has reported that when man passes away in a land other than his birthplace or residence his grave is widened from the place of his demise as far unto the place of his residence...

The bodies of common people decay in their graves with the passage of time, whilst the bodies of the Prophets (Alaihi as-salaam) are preserved as a sign of honour. It is also known by observation that bodies of some martyrs are preserved.

The life in Barzakh…

The stroke of your nose... the touch of your shoulder... the feel of your feet... Your flawless skin - Reliving those painful moments ill never forget...

Words simply just don’t carry enough meaning or importance to be able to express the deep and often complex, feelings and emotions experienced... There really are very few words that truly can put this into words...

"And say not of those who are slain in the Way of God: 'They are dead.' Nay, they are living, Though you perceive it not."
(Al Baqarah – 2:154)

Barzakh is an Arabic word derived from the Persian word “Pardah.” Linguistically, “Barzakh” means a veil, barrier or partition between two things.

It is the stage between this world and the other world - from the time of death until the time of Resurrection. Thus, whoever dies enters the Barzakh. There have been many different definitions of Barzakh but there is one underlying similarity between all: that the soul after having separated from its worldly body, enters into a realm behind which there is a barrier forbidding any return.

Souls dwell on different levels in the state of existence known as the Barzakh, the partition between this life and the Hereafter.

Some souls will be in the highest ranking, such as the souls of the Prophets (peace be upon them). Even they will be in different rankings with respect to one another, as Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) saw them during his Night Journey.

Other souls will be encased within green birds and will be able to go wherever they please in Paradise. These are the souls of some of the martyrs who hold the second highest ranking in the Barzakh

Ka’ab Ibn Malik related that the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alaihi wa-Sallam) said: “The believer’s soul is a bird which feeds upon the fruits of the trees of Paradise, until Allah returns it to its body on the Day he is resurrected.”

Far superior luxuries will be enjoyed in the Barzakh than those found in the world that we can only but imagine of.

The latest kicks, the high tech gadgets the little indulgences of life..
I often think about those little moments in which your presence has been missed - the family gatherings, Birthdays, Eid...

I think about those sweet moments in life you've not been there to share with us - vacations, the next generation and family moments but mostly - you're the one missing from the photo of all the boys, the boys that you loved to be around and so dearly looked up to...

I remember a photo being taken on Eid last year. As all the boys gathered, Mash'Allah- I noticed everyone was there, uncles, cousins, the kids - Everyone. Sat watching from the sofa I looked to see there was a space unfilled - the portrait was missing someone... What would have been the perfect portrait, was missing you. Missing you, one person amongst all those that most loved you

I remember it clearly. A poignant moment - captured for life...

You’ve missed so much but I wonder what it is you may have you been spared of?
Have you been spared of something so wicked in this life that is far greater than what you have missed?

There are of course conditions to which level of Barzakh you will reside of course, not all will be blessed with the highest eligible ranking of course and those of the unbelievers who chose to ignore will suffer in the lowest ranks and some will even remain on t his earth due to neglect of good deeds.

“Rejoicing in what Allah has given them out of His grace and they rejoice for the sake of those who, (being left) behind them, have not yet joined them, that they shall have no fear, nor shall they grieve."
(Al Baqarah – 2:170)

The Ayahs and Hadith are all so beautiful and relate so well to our loss – I often wonder had we known these then, had our knowledge been as it is now, had we had strong conviction in Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala, would this have eased the pain in our hearts that had been shattered to pieces?

6 years later, we have found our own ways of dealing with our enormous loss. You’ve cried so much that you get sick of crying, and after a while you think how could you possibly cry anymore?

I don’t think any of us will ever get over the loss of losing him and as for when we get tearful, I know I for certain may shed tears but never let myself truly let out what I’m feeling inside. Ive cried him a river and honestly, dont think I'll ever stop...

“Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon.”
(Al Baqarah – 2:156)

Just another little test and tribulation...

Allhumdulillah – Truly all praise and all thanks is to Allah Subhanahu wa Tala.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

Sunday, 29 March 2009

Bismillah Arrahman Arrahim, In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "He who goes forth in search of knowledge is considered as struggling in the Cause of Allah until he returns.'' [At-Tirmidhi]

And doesn’t it just feel like a struggle...

This is my blog, my space. To talk about me. My feelings, my thoughts and my struggle InshAllah. It’s all for His cause – Jihad for the sake of Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala and the religion that is Islam.

I've been on my journey now for the last 6 months. I look back to where I was then and where I am now. Subhanallah! It amazes me. Amazes me that when you really want to do something, and really want to learn, just how quickly it is to pick things up. I guess I've never really known this before as there have not been many things that I've truly had an interest in!

I can imagine what you may be thinking – Lacking in motivation? Lazy? Unenthusiastic maybe? But truthfully speaking, I was quite a shy person at school and stuck to my few friends. I hated school and had little interested in studying. I’ve always been quite a creative soul so subjects like Graphics and Design Technology were most enjoyable to me.
Unfortunately due to busy working parents, I was never pushed to excel or to follow in those subjects that I enjoyed.

College was then spent socializing with friends and enjoying little extra reign that my parents has loosened up on me. Allhumdulillah without the distractions of the friends in my first year, I put my head down and bagged a Distinction! The first sense of achievement I had felt…

Study to me was always more a case that it was expected of me and something I ‘had’ to do… there was never the real desire to learn as simply, the subjects just didn’t appeal to me which stretched out into my University years. Life then was focused on socializing, shopping and sleeping...

What a way to live…! Something a friend once told me -circumstance shapes character and isnt it just so true… You become the person you are through all the trials and tribulations you face and give thanks to Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala.
A few ups and downs along the way, brings me to today. My journey. My struggle.

I love my religion and I love my Islam. I want to embrace it 100% with all my heart. I love it and want to live it and BE it. I want it to show in my actions and all I do. I it’s in my head, my heart and my soul. I long to be the ideal Muslimah and envision myself as an upright righteous Muslim woman, wife and mother. My time is consumed with thoughts about my deen, what I want to do, how I will do it and how far I have yet to go. I want to be the embodiment of Islam.

High hopes? Yes maybe a piece of advice however, Always aim for the moon; and if you miss, you’ll land amongst the stars at least InshAllah.
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My thirst for knowledge is unwavering and continues to grow - Subhanallah!

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "The seeking of knowledge is obligatory for every Muslim." [Al-Tirmidhi]

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Allah makes the way to Jannah easy for him who treads the path in search of knowledge.'' [Muslim]

The Prophet also said: "Acquire knowledge and impart it to the people." [Al-Tirmidhi]

In my quest for knowledge over the past months, I’ve been inspired by many a beautiful gem and words of wisdom which have been with me from the moment I’ve heard them. Subhanallah – such beautiful words, analogies and hadith which InshAllah I will share with you all with all sincerity and for the pleasure of Allah Subhanahu wa Taala

I guess if there is even the smallest of things I say that may inspire one of you to Islam and be of any benefit whatsoever to fellow brothers and sisters – Subhanallah! That’s to me is truly a blessing…

Sahl bin Sa`d (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said to `Ali (May Allah be pleased with him), "By Allah, if a single person is guided by Allah through you, it will be better for you than a whole lot of red camels.'' [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

A sheikh at a recent lecture likened the red camel to a Bugatti Veyron (A $1,700,000 sports car!) Subhanallah, to bring someone to Islam benefits you more so than a whole lot of Bugatti Veyrons?!


So what began as a lighthearted introduction being tapped into my iPhone on the 7:57am commute into work, somewhere along the lines, turned into a deep post on seeking knowledge.

InshAllah I have much information which I want to share with you so InshAllah will devote a post to this in the near future…

A parting hadith:

Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: "Allah created Adam from dust after He mixed the clay and left him for some time until it became sticky mud, after which Allah shaped him. After that Allah left him till it became like potter's clay [a sounding clay]. Iblis used to go past him saying 'You have been created for a great purpose.' After that Allah breathed His spirit into him. The first thing into which the spirit passed was his eye and then his nose. He [Adam] sneezed. Allah said: "May your Lord have mercy upon you, O Adam! Go to those angels and see what they would say.' So Adam went and greeted them. They replied saying: "Peace be upon you and the mercy and blessings of Allah." Allah said: "O Adam! This is your greeting and that of your offspring." [Sahih Bukhari]

Salaam Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu Brothers and Sisters
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