Insh’allah I am steadfast in salah but for some reason I’m not able to pray how I used to. Im not able to pray with that sincerity and humility I used to feel. I don’t have that love or feeling in my heart… I don’t have that fragility I used to experience. I have little concentration and find my thoughts during salah are consumed with such worldly matters.
It almost feels like I’ve stepped back a year to before finding my way to Islam. I pray with little understanding of the words being recited and unaware of what my actions truly signify.
I can’t even supplicate how I used to – I can’t even sit and supplicate with all my heart and ask for Allah to have mercy on me, my family and friends. I find I can’t bring myself to ask Allah of anything… well not with any feeling or real want like I used to... Even asking Allah to bring me back to my deen and increasing my iman – I’m empty… it’s hard not to think of it as anymore than just words right now…
Upon hearing the beautiful recitation of the Noble Quran, I feel nothing… The words no longer deeply touch my heart like they used to and am no longer able to listen to the harmonious words… My heart has hardened and I sooo long for it to return to the state it was in a few weeks ago. I didn’t see this coming and I didn’t see it happening… How have things changed in just a few short weeks??
As the days have gotten longer and the hours increased between salah, what was supposed to be a look around the shops or a quick Google on the net, somewhere turned into hours… coupled with neglect of the Quran and most importantly my Lord, I think, has led to the decrease of my iman that I’m now sooo so worried about.
"Therefore remember me [by praying, glorifying etc.] and I will remember you…"
(Quran 2: 152)
"Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest!"
O Allah, Please forgive me. O Allah, please restore and renew my faith. O Allah please keep my grip on the rope strong and firm.
I will continue to make dua for Allah to being me back. I need to to reestablish my faith. Being the second most important pillar after the Kalimah and having felt that my salah is what has suffered most, Insh'allah this is where I will begin...
I just feel that I need to go back to basics as a refresher.. and spend some time contemplating and reflecting on the true meaning of what Salah is to the Mu'min.
Why do we pray and what are the blessings in Salah?
What happened on the night of Al Mi'raj when Salah was ordained on the Ummah?
What do the beautiful words we recite really mean?
What do our actions during Salah truly signify?
I pray that in reminding myself in these basic principles I will find that spiritual connection and fragility I felt in my Salah up until just recently...
Rabbij-'alnii muqii-mas-Salaati wa min dhurriyyatii, Rabbanaa wa taqabbal Du-'aaa