Monday, 8 June 2009

Reflecting: Dinner with friends

I've just left a couple of girlfriends after dinner at the much raved about Thai restaurant at The Blue Elephant in Fulham. I had a lovely evening so why have I come away feeling a little deflated? Feeling quite sad, actually.

It’s been about a year since me and my 2 closest friends from uni spent some time together to kick back and chill. It was so nice to see them again but an evening catching up with friends wasn’t quite like the old days as I had thought it would be...

The last time I saw these girls together, I was a different person and I’ve changed much in the way I choose to live my life since then.

Where we once shared the same interests and liked doing the same things, don't really appeal to me anymore; and the things that never bothered me, now all of a sudden, did.

I knew they'd had a drink whilst they are waiting for me so by the time I arrived figured they must’ve been a bit... Well - 'intoxicated' let’s just say! I mean, they weren't wasted in the slightest but the nonsensical conversation had me wondering if they were just talking plain isht!

I feel bad saying this but I found myself thinking that while they're 'liquored up' I just don’t wanna be around them! Drunken people are fools at the best of times and if they wanna do that, cool do it in your own space but just don't impose it on me...

Please don't get me wrong, I love the girls to bits and wouldn't dream about telling them how to enjoy themselves but it was all waaaay too close for comfort that night.

For a few seconds wished I was somewhere else with a bunch of non-alcohol swigging hijabun chicks!

We sat and ate, joked and talked like we used to just like back in the day but at times I was a bit detached from them... Maybe it was all the thoughts running though my head distracting me from being ‘there’...?

Anyways, I've always been quite confident and secure within myself so when the girls started to rough up their hair and reapply the gloss for a photo, I began to really miss the long layered locks and the perfectly painted nails that I too once used sport...

I mean, they both looked stunning! The shiny glossy hair, luminous smooth skin and perfectly accessorized outfits made my coral cinched tunic with black and gold hijab pale into insignificance.

I really felt like the less pretty, less stylish friend and I’ve never felt that before! Without coming off as vain or anything, I’ve always been happy and confident within myself but recently... I dunno... I guess since wearing hijab, at times I feel quite self-conscious and sometimes – ugly too.

That glossy self-assured chick used to be me a few months ago but now the confidence I used to then ooze was now replaced with insecurity and self consciousness instead...

We laughed just before leaving whilst taking super stupid pics and generally were just messing around like we used to at uni. Ah, it was cool- I so miss those days mannn! Good times!

As they went off to continue their evening out I couldn’t help but feel kinda sad as I left them though... And almost wished that I was going with them.

Like, I've had sooo many laughs and good memories of these girls and as I watched them go, I realised that I may not actually have have many more new ones with them...

Seeing them after so long made me miss the fun we used to have and now feel that I won’t be a part of that any more. My friends bless them, have been amazing and so sweet and considerate of the things I will and won’t do now. They still make an effort to meet up and stuff, but it’s never quite gonna be the same as it was.

It kind of makes me wonder whether this could be the start of a friendship that's beginning to drift?

I've realised all the change that's taken place and guess that’s just left me feeling a little low. Knowing things have changed and won't be how they used to be saddens me a little...

I guess all this is just me, missing things. My friends, Spending time with them, Feeling confident – MY HAIR!!!!

Its so hard when you miss things - be it people, places, times – it's one of the hardest things to have to deal with in life but sometimes its not so bad cos you know you can see that person, or go to that place and you may feel a little better .

What is even more difficult? When you miss something but know there’s not a single thing you can do to make it better cos it is what it is.

Now that really is hard... And this, is just one of those... Allhumdulillah.


  1. Oh wow sister, that's deep. hmmmm i don't even know what to say... thus far I wish you the best of luck and I pray that Allah make this easy for you. It is difficult looking at what you used to do and how much fun and how many good times you had, but I guess the difficulty of facing that every now and again is a struggle Allah has blessed us with. *sigh* I pray you will find peace from this, yea? Insha'allah, everything will be fine! :)

  2. Salaam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu sis!

    Jazakallah for your comment and words... x

    You know what, it was realizing everything that was quite hard. I mean I knew it would happen one day- that I'd stop chilling with my friends how I used to but i dunno...

    Allhumdulillah though. I'm in a much better place now than when we all used to hang out, and I wouldn't change it for anything... Mashallah, I'm now blessed to have you beautiful sisters in Islam around me who insh'allah I'll share memories with now..

    Much love to you sweets
    Kiss kiss!

  3. I dont think you have naything to fear to be honest. Yes they may have been your uni but think of all the other group of friends tou Do have... and they are GREAT! You have same morals and they understand you and your religion, and some of them are also hijabuns!

    And then think of the girls who are not musling and dont wear hijab and they can soooooo be respectful around you - personally sis, if they were real friends, then they would have been mindful of the fact you are who yu are now and as a sign of respect would have at least asked you if you minded? No? You can think it is far fetched but even at my workplace, some people asked us if we minded them having a tipple in our presence!

    But anyways, they are good friends to you, lovely and sweet and they still the same... Maybe one day they will feel inspired with you - maybe you should try givin them dawah... you used to chill with them, so you know what makes them tick. What made you change your behaviour... just try hun... at least then you done your bit, pleased allah and will have peace knowing you did your best.

    Snd then whatever happens happens.

    Also bear in mind that you are here to please allah swt, and if that means cuttin out some people from your life who make you feel a certain way or encourage non muslim behaviour, then babe, its allah you need to please.

    Allah will always replace that which you give up for his sake with something better!

    AND FINALLY - YOU ARE GORGEOUS! with or without hijab! Yur mates wedding fotos, you were the only hijabi and you looked the best, the most stylish, the most elagnt AND modest out of everyone, not to mention PURE CLASS.

    Hide your hair love, you command more respect. Love it!

  4. Assalaam Alaikum.

    I wonder if it's the friends as much as it is just the past. The places, the events. For instance, I miss my old lifestyle, but moreso the fact that it was a different time when life was easier. The 1980's-1990's when you could watch Ferris Bueller and everything seemed easy.

    As we age, life gets harder, we have to make tougher decisions. We have to become responsible for our actions. I wonder if this is what you miss, not so much the lack of inhibitions, the lack of hijab.

    If so, this is very normal. I remember going with college friends to see Titanic in 1997. I miss that feeling, but it's more about life being easier because I was young and free.

    Love you sweetie and hope it gets easier for you.

  5. Asalama alaikum sis, that sounds so sad sweety, i hope you don feel bad for too long...letting go of the past is hard but sometimes its whats best for us and its a part of life, im sure you've made new friends since becoming Muslim Alhamdulilah and you may miss things now and then but its for the best im sure:) Remember Allah choose you as a Muslim and loves you and is always protecting you from harm be it in a obvious way e.g. Hijab from men non-muslims etc or another, your beautiful inside and out and i hope you feel better soon sis and are back to yourself...

    Allah knows best xXx

  6. You've won an award

  7. Chica - Allhumdulillah, don’t get me wrong cos i AM so greatful for all these beautiful new ladies that have come into my life... its nice cos we all have the same beliefs and interests which is cool so there’ll be no need to pretend or make excuses about stuff like ive found myself doing in the past... its just you know when youve had so many memories with people your naturally gonna miss them.. its cool though.

    Inshallah, i find that i tend not to talk about my deen in front of them. Not cos i feel embarrassed or anything but more so cos... *thinks* Well i just think they are not gonna wann hear about my religion... I tend to think that what if they are critical and I cant stick up for my beliefs?

    I try where I can.

    “Allah will always replace that which you give up for his sake with something better!” Thanks for the reminder sis and Insh’allah.

    And finally – yes! I have had many people telling me that my wearing hijab is really aplaudable and all that kind of stuff... Allhumdulillah. Thats nice – i guess now they see theres more to me and im not just a ‘Pakistani girl!’

    Love u Tiff! x

  8. Walaikum asalaam Lisa
    Jazakallah for your lovey, lovey comment!

    I think you may be right. Ive never had any major decisions to make in my life but over thepast year ive had to actually make choices in life in which ive worried and I doing the right thing?

    Things were MUCH simpler back then with my friends – our only worry was what to wear and where to eat and on the odd occasion late assignments!

    Though i have to say, i don’t think it the lack of Hijab that Im missing – just that whole carefree element and having no worries. Allhumdulillah.

    Bless you much sweetie for your words insh’allah and much love to you my dear

  9. Walaikum asalaam Mina

    You know what, and its crazy – Allhumdulillah it was literally a feeling of sadness for a matter of hours. I got in from after dinner, wrote the post to clear my head and workout what i was thinking and what the problems was and went to bed ponderin on it all..

    Allhumdulillah iwoke up the next morning and was ok and after an hour or so awas back to myself.

    Whats even more lovely is that my friend emailed me at work on Monday and asked me if i was ok as she though i was a bit quiet during dinner.

    Bless her. I told her what i was thinking and feeling and Allhumdulillah she was cool. Shes very sweet and just the other night suggested we go to a girly spa weekend or something...

    Aww! jazakallahu kahir for your sweet words my love.

    I pray you remain blessed my darling
    Lots of love

  10. hey i caant believe i missed this post!!!!
    yeah it is hard huh, when you meet up with old friends and realise that actually nothing is as what it use to be!! I agree with Lisa, i think that what we actually miss is the care free times....longgone for me!!!
    But you know i shouldnt say it but at times when you are at weddings and stuff and there are girls with their hair done looking so gorgeous, you think i could be looking like that....but we have to be strong. were your friends muslims?...if they were im shocked that they were drinking, ive lived a very sheltered life ( lol!)if not i know it feels so wierd talking to someone who is tipsy. one of my work friends invited me over (in a past life!!) and it was the first time i encountered her drunk, it was horrible!

  11. Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh Sister Jennah,

    I totally relate to what you said in this post. I had a hard time hanging with my friends too, things just didnt feel the same as before and eventually we just drifted...well the non-genuine friends drifted, those who for whatever reason couldnt 'accept' the new me.
    I still have wonderful non-muslim friends who I can count on, but we seem to have so little in common nowadays. I was very very lonely for a while and then I met up with a few sisters and started hanging out with them...I remember at first the only time I ever saw another hijabi was when I went to Jumuah....and one day I was at the gas station and I saw a hijabi across the road I shouted out 'ASSALAMU ALAYKUM' turned out she and her two other sisters lived quite nearby to where I lived and I gave her a ride home, I was so excited to finally have some hijabis to hang with. Gradually I met more and more wonderful sisters and now Alhamdullilah I can say that a few of them are my genuine friends (InshaAllah), and Alhamdullilah.
    Its hard sometimes thinking about the manicures and the flowing hair styles and the sexy clothes that I used to wear, but honestly now I feel comfortable, and confident Alhamdullilah. Hijab styles can be so glamorous Alhamdullilah, you just have to find styles that you feel glamorous and confident in, not showy, but just confident.
    I had to shed a few 'friends' but Allah replaced them with better friends, Muslimah friends Alhamdullilah, and we have our ups and downs but we will always have that in common.

    Love you sis,

  12. Salaam Alaikum dear Queenie

    I hope you are well and Jazakallah for your comment.

    No my friends aren’t Muslims! But you know what sweets, Astagfirullah, there are plemty of drinking Muslims out there which makes me really sad.

    Yeah it was really weird, I just felt like i was totally not on the same wavelength as them for a few moments that evening... gosh imagine if they had been plastered – Ya Allah!

    I have to agree though – drunk colleague are horrendous! I went to a colleague wedding recently and some of the other ladies i work with were hammered they looked like suuuuuuch idiots! Their only interest was ‘topping up’ their glasses!

    I pray you are having a lovely evening sweets,
    Inshallah will speak soon

    Kiss, Kiss

  13. Walaikum asalaam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu J

    Aww you know what – Allhumdulillah, i think this fiend is a genuine one – which is lovely as it shows hey loyalty no matter what choices I make. Shes a very genuine girl and I do love her for it!

    I do worry about the pojnt you have made though – you know about having things in common. I mean, My priority these days is my deen and how I can improve on it and do more where as hers are something so totally
    different and of worldy matters.

    Very good point sweets about feeling confident yet not showy. Inshallah I do feel confident most of the time in hijab but I guess when its just you and 2 uber glamonistas then you miss it don’t you...?

    Maybe this is something that will improve over time inshallah. Actually, Im sure it will!

    Jazakallahu for your comments sweetie! Always a pleasure to hear from you!

    Much love to you

  14. Hey Hun,

    I just read ur post... girl ur DEEP!!! but its wonderful u show so much insight and thought in ur words its truly inspiring mashallah.

    I think ur WONDERFUL!!! and not cuz im ur mate!!! Ur beautiful and humble mashallah. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and to me u look stunning mashallah. I was thinkin earlier today whats they point in all those ladies that say i will one day cover up! one day bein when they r old and their looks have faded... to me i think its beautiful when i see young beautiful fresh faces coverin themselves.

    However, its only natural to miss our old ways we r human! when i started covering up when i used to meet up with friends i did use to feel borin and wearing the same thing! my black jalbab haha... but i soon got over it.

    I still miss MY HAIR too... lol its still there haha...


    Keep it up jaan x x x

  15. Aww Naila - you aboslute sweetheart!

    Jazaumullahu khair for your comment - your very sweet and a dear friend - Love u lots sis.

    Thats the whole point isnt it? dont share your beauty for all man to see right. Cover your adronments now and save it for those who are allowed to see it...

    Thos girlies who say they will do it one day, i wonder why they dont cover? I mean that was me once upon a time and thinking back my real reason was due to ignorance... and maybe even vanity...

    It seems like forever ago now!

    Naila, I say we have a ladies only party - Me, you, Tabs, my cousins and other hijabi sisters who miss their hair!

    Beautiful sisters, I cordially invite you all to my Hijabs High Party - come let ur hair down lay-deees!!!

    Kiss, Kiss